Unlearning the Rules That Never Worked for You

Most leadership training starts with a list of rules. Speak with authority. Dress the part. Don’t show emotion. Avoid conflict. Never let them see you sweat. Always be the smartest person in the room.

But what if those rules weren’t written for you? What if they were designed to preserve comfort, not courage? Power, not people?

Here’s the hard truth: a lot of the leadership advice we’ve been handed was never built for inclusion, authenticity, or emotional intelligence. It was built for sameness. And sameness doesn’t lead innovation. It just repeats the past.

If you want to lead differently, you’ve got to unlearn some things.

Unlearning is uncomfortable, especially when those old rules are tangled up in our identity. Maybe you’ve been praised for your compliance. Rewarded for keeping the peace. Promoted for playing it safe. So now, stepping into your voice feels risky.

But leadership that grows people will always feel riskier than leadership that simply maintains control.

A few “rules” worth unlearning:

• Silence equals strength. No, it doesn’t. Strength is knowing when to speak and having the courage to do it.

• Leaders don’t make mistakes. False. The best leaders own their mistakes and model repair.

• There’s only one way to be respected. Respect looks different across cultures, identities, and generations. Adaptability is not a sign of weakness. It exhibits wisdom.

• You have to outwork everyone to prove you belong. You don’t. You belong because you show up, not because you’re burning out.

Unlearning creates room for new leadership roots. Roots that grow deep, not just wide. That honor your experience, not just the expectations.

This week’s reflection:

• What leadership lesson did you learn that feels more like a survival tactic than a growth strategy?

• What would it look like to let that rule go?

Coming next: Week 3 – “Your Leadership Voice Isn’t Too Much. It’s the Message.”